How Do I Do This Alone?

“Bills have to be paid and I’ve never done that before. How does the grass get cut now? Who is going to be my partner at bridge games?”

These and thousands of other questions swirled around my mother’s head. She was numb. She was in shock and she never needed her family to surround her more than she did right now. She sat quietly at times, just processing everything. Everyone rallied around her, helping to make necessary arrangements and getting her through the process. We gave her space when she needed it and closeness when we knew it was important. My mother’s faith helped to carry her through some tough times.

My older brother took the lead in working to ensure that she knew what she had, what was needed to do and how to do it. He kept an eye on the financial advisors working with her estate. Little by little, my mother began to make decisions herself. She balanced her checkbook and began to hire people to help where needed. She bought a car, had central air conditioning put in the house and made some needed changes to the house. She was figuring out how to do this alone.

The family, located in various states, all came together on a regular basis to spend time with my mother. She booked flights to visit her children and grandchildren.

Family weddings were happening and Annette was in attendance no matter where the festivities were happening. She was learning to make a life without my father, and at the same time, she was mourning the life she should be living with him. With the birth of each new grandchild, his presence was greatly missed. 

Holidays were filled with the love of a large family, but an integral piece was missing. My mother found comfort in her family, friends and in books. A couple books that she kept near were her Bible, and Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman.

The support offered by her church provided needed comfort. My mother had a few circles of friends that she spent time with. In one group, a lady had a beach house in NJ and the group of ladies would spend time vacationing together. Another group from church was a bridge group. Without my father as her savvy bridge partner, she found a great ally in Helen, the mother of one of my good friends. Helen was mom’s partner at every bridge game and they slayed it every time! They have been close friends now for over 30 years. Both ladies are over ninety!   

                  

The neighborhood also had a bridge group and a book club, and she was a member of Undercover Quilters. She began to enter her quilts in quilt shows and won Best in Show and Blue Ribbons every time! My mother was finding ways to stay busy and happy. She had finally found out how to do this alone.

References:
Whitmore Hickman, M (1994). Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief