The situation was larger than the five of us. We needed help and we needed to find resources. Gale continued to support us and so did Mom’s doctor. He also led us to the Alzheimer’s Website, once she was diagnosed with mild to moderate dementia and he submitted a letter to the state to revoke her driving privileges. Her two prior events getting lost and having the police intervene had already taken care of that issue and she received a letter in the mail. This was a crushing blow that took days for her to process. Taking my mothers car away felt like I was tearing off a limb. It was horrible.
We watched her go through moments of sadness, anger, and disappointment and heard some stinging words come out of her mouth. We couldn’t express enough how we wished that we were not having these conversations with her, how badly we wished that we were at her house just to visit her.
I am fortunate to have Family Medical Leave of Absence at work, allowing me up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave to care for a family member. I needed to be in Pennsylvania to care for this woman that I love. My sister, Joanne, came to relieve me after a week, and together we worked to talk through options with my mother. We used caution, love, and empathy as we talked about her leaving the home she had loved for fifty-five years. I went home, having been away from my family for over a month between work and my mother. My sister stayed with Mom for almost another month, during which time my mother suffered a brain bleed and was admitted to the hospital. After four days, the doctors would only allow her to be discharged with full-time nursing. Three days later, I flew back to Pennsylvania, and drove my sister and my mother to the airport to take a one-way flight to Georgia. Joanne and I knew as she walked out of her house that this would be the last time she would see it. My mother knew that she was going to Georgia to stay with Joanne so she could get better.
The transition was a bit confusing for my mother, but she seemed to settle in. Daytime was her best time. She gardened and quilted with Joanne, helped make dinner and played with her great-grandchildren who live at the end of the street. Being on a 10-acre farm was the right place for her, but it wasn’t home.
Photo credit: http://lightshinephoto.zenfolio.com
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and the work at her house began. A realtor was called in, a home inspection done, and some scheduled updates began. My daughters and I started packing up her things and taking inventory of everything in this big five-bedroom house. Our entire family including my siblings and all our children were asked what items would be useful to each person. Who needs dressers? Who wants her dishes? The task of this house was massive and daunting, but my daughters joined me. One flew in from WI and the other drove up from D.C.
Having support of these girls was instrumental in accomplishing what needed to be done. Laura found moving boxes and listed a few things on a local community marketplace. She cooked for us as we worked non-stop. Lindsay got in touch with a College Hunks that Haul Junk, who came to haul away junk and items for donation. Lindsay had a strategy of organization that helped move the project forward. After five days, we had accomplished so much! We managed to have a little fun too. This is the girls trying on some gardening clothes they found while packing her room. They paired the outfits with “dickies”.
Finding the necessary resources in an effort this big is so important. I recommend finding out about Family Medical Leave and The Alzheimer’s website if you are caring for a loved one.
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